Magnanimous
In the wake of the realization ensued from an inferno of fuming capacious
and rigorous thought, it is not I that stakes his life on the
success of others. I’m here,
present. I was trained for what in my
life, I do not know. I followed
organically a calling that was not spiritual, or traditional. It grew inside of me and do not know
why. Distracted, yes. But this is me. I can try to do better. And I feel that I have, but what is it that
keeps me slipping back into that primordial ooze? Genetic infrastructure; the scaffolding of
DNA strands hardwired to induce some kind of transitive state. I’m here, now I’m gone. On writing well. It is hard to write truthfully with someone
in the backseat. I want to be a good
writer. So I sold my car.
It’s bizarre to me that it has already been one year. In
fact, it feels like it has been several years since the day I departed
Bishop. So much has happened. I went from being broke, unemployed, and
virtually homeless; and now I’m gainfully employed, saving money, and living in
an old yet charming house in Seattle surrounded by things I love. On top of all of that it has been yet another
great year of climbing, this time with major breakthroughs in the realm of
sport climbing. I really have nothing to
complain about as I sit here at my desk occasionally gazing out the windows
that overlook the seemingly endless expanse of the marina. An enormous processing vessel is moored
outside at this moment, stationary, receiving constant visitors and attention
throughout the day. If I try really hard
I can see the corner of Stone Gardens between the massive ships stern and the
corner of some marine office building.
Yes, it’s true; I don’t live the fast paced, hazy, dirty,
colloquially beautiful, seasonally employed lifestyle of the dirt bag. Guiding is a very selfless job, it soaks up a
lot of your free time, and I really like my free time.
Looking back on the past year, I guess I’m kind of amazed,
or in awe rather of how things have worked out.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not addressing this in order to gloat, I mean
really, there isn’t anything (comparatively speaking) to gloat about. I was able to accomplish what most adults in
their early thirties with a college degree should accomplish: mildly
interesting employment that allows (at least a single person such as myself
without biological attachments) a chance to pay rent, bills, food, gas, and
misc costs and still save a decent amount of money. I guess what I’m in awe about is the fact
that it all fell into place so perfectly.
I wanted a job in Seattle that was easy to commute to and also close to
where I would climb, and live.
Done. I was able to find a place
to live close to work and where I climb in a house with roommates that are
tolerable and mildly responsible in a nice neighborhood close to restaurants,
shops, and parks. Done. One by one these things just presented
themselves and as long as I was present and ready to commit to them they all
worked themselves nicely into the contour lines of my life, or at least the
kind of life I wanted. It’s comfortable,
easy, and fun. I have a lot of time to
focus on training for climbing, actual climbing, and other pursuits like
gardening, yoga, running, family, etc.
And while my life, for the most part, has become as
predictable as the Republican party, I feel no tender malaise for the days of
adventures past. I’ve done enough
reflecting. There are new ways to look at
the repetitive and seemingly precluded scenarios in your life that you miss
due to boredom or passing nonchalance. New
ideas in old patterns, new places in the heavily trafficked ones, and new
processes emergent in the decay of the fading light of a yawning day.
"Thou know'st 'tis common; all that lives must die,
Passing through nature to eternity."
-W. Shakespeare
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