Magnanimous




 In the wake of the realization ensued from an inferno of fuming capacious and rigorous thought, it is not I that stakes his life on the success of others.  I’m here, present.  I was trained for what in my life, I do not know.  I followed organically a calling that was not spiritual, or traditional.  It grew inside of me and do not know why.  Distracted, yes.  But this is me.  I can try to do better.  And I feel that I have, but what is it that keeps me slipping back into that primordial ooze?  Genetic infrastructure; the scaffolding of DNA strands hardwired to induce some kind of transitive state.  I’m here, now I’m gone.  On writing well.  It is hard to write truthfully with someone in the backseat.  I want to be a good writer.  So I sold my car. 

                                    
This is in memory of…   





 Today marks my one year anniversary of when I returned to the PNW.
                                   

It’s bizarre to me that it has already been one year. In fact, it feels like it has been several years since the day I departed Bishop.  So much has happened.  I went from being broke, unemployed, and virtually homeless; and now I’m gainfully employed, saving money, and living in an old yet charming house in Seattle surrounded by things I love.  On top of all of that it has been yet another great year of climbing, this time with major breakthroughs in the realm of sport climbing.  I really have nothing to complain about as I sit here at my desk occasionally gazing out the windows that overlook the seemingly endless expanse of the marina.  An enormous processing vessel is moored outside at this moment, stationary, receiving constant visitors and attention throughout the day.  If I try really hard I can see the corner of Stone Gardens between the massive ships stern and the corner of some marine office building.


Yes, it’s true; I don’t live the fast paced, hazy, dirty, colloquially beautiful, seasonally employed lifestyle of the dirt bag.  Guiding is a very selfless job, it soaks up a lot of your free time, and I really like my free time. 
                                    





Looking back on the past year, I guess I’m kind of amazed, or in awe rather of how things have worked out.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not addressing this in order to gloat, I mean really, there isn’t anything (comparatively speaking) to gloat about.  I was able to accomplish what most adults in their early thirties with a college degree should accomplish: mildly interesting employment that allows (at least a single person such as myself without biological attachments) a chance to pay rent, bills, food, gas, and misc costs and still save a decent amount of money.  I guess what I’m in awe about is the fact that it all fell into place so perfectly.  I wanted a job in Seattle that was easy to commute to and also close to where I would climb, and live.  Done.  I was able to find a place to live close to work and where I climb in a house with roommates that are tolerable and mildly responsible in a nice neighborhood close to restaurants, shops, and parks.  Done.  One by one these things just presented themselves and as long as I was present and ready to commit to them they all worked themselves nicely into the contour lines of my life, or at least the kind of life I wanted.  It’s comfortable, easy, and fun.  I have a lot of time to focus on training for climbing, actual climbing, and other pursuits like gardening, yoga, running, family, etc. 



And while my life, for the most part, has become as predictable as the Republican party, I feel no tender malaise for the days of adventures past.  I’ve done enough reflecting.  There are new ways to look at the repetitive and seemingly precluded scenarios in your life that you miss due to boredom or passing nonchalance.  New ideas in old patterns, new places in the heavily trafficked ones, and new processes emergent in the decay of the fading light of a yawning day. 



"Thou know'st 'tis common; all that lives must die,
Passing through nature to eternity."
-W. Shakespeare



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