It's Not About You

So I read this post on Steph Davis’s blog-High Infatuation-and it lit a fire in me for some reason.  If you want to see Steph’s response to the letter you can visit her blog but I decided to respond to her myself, even though she will probably never see my response, I just needed to vent a little.  Here is the letter that some girl named Shannon submitted to Steph:

Hi Steph,
My names Shannon, and right now I’m a senior at CU Boulder studying evolutionary biology and ecology. I just read your book high infatuation, and i guess you could say it was kinda life changing and spoke to me. I just started rock climbing about three months ago, and I love it. When i visited moab, I fell in love with indian creek and that type of climbing. I would really love to move out there and dedicate myself to that type of climbing. However, I am still a beginner and do not even know how to trad climb yet. How do i find like minded people to climb with and teach me because i am willing to learn. Also I have a dog as well, and i was thinking about just car camping while living in moab, but what did you do with your dog when it got so hot during the days. I mean i guess you worked nights at the restaurant? but did you ever have a time where you could not take her with you and what did you do with her during the hot days? I guess i just need some advice on how to go about all this. Also finding a job in moab, I still would like to keep environmental aspect of my life, encouraging people to be sustainable and renewable and make this a better place! I’m just worried i won’t find a job out there like this that also give me enough time to dedicate myself to climbing.
Thanks
Shannon

And here is my response:

First of all, you’re a senior in college, anything that is not the norm is going to ‘speak’ to you.  And writing the word kinda’ in regards to the term ‘life changing’ is completely idiotic and speaks to your generations lack of commitment, understanding, naiveté, and ability to take anything in their lives seriously.  Antibiotics changed lives, the automobile changed lives, the civil rights movement changed lives, this book just kinda’ changed your life eh?  How?  Did you drop out of school to become a dirtbag?  Did you realize you love your family and want to finish school to support and honor them?  Did you realize you were a lesbian?  How does something just kinda’ change your life??  You can’t kinda change your life, you can only totally change it, kinda change it is like switching cereals in the morning, going from Coffee to Tea, wearing smartwool instead of merino wool; you know, boring lame shit that doesn’t actually lead to a drastic change in the way you think and approach situations in your life. 

You’ve been climbing for three months (gumbie) and you already know that it’s what you want to ‘dedicate’ yourself to doing??  Just stop.  Breathe, I know the adrenaline rush you got from top roping your first climb was great and all but let’s put things into perspective. Let me guess, you also fell in love with your first boyfriend?  And what the fuck do you mean ‘how do I find like-minded’ people??  Who the fuck did you go to the creek with?  And hello, you live in fucking Boulder Colorado(!!!); how about go to the gym and start talking to some real climbers.  Good god Shannon, you don’t need someone to hold your hand you need a bitch slap in the face with reality and some common sense, and most important of all you need to give yourself some more goddamn time.  You’re 21/22 years old and you’re already suffering from an identity crisis; that’s so sad to me.  And from the looks of your letter you don’t even have the patience to write something intelligent and well thought out, let alone spell checked or edited for grammar.  I get that you’re sick of being in school and all 0f it’s ‘uniformity’ and rules but honestly, packing up your life to go wait tables in Moab and living out of your car to climb (something you really know nothing about) is a stupid move at this point in your life.  I would look for a job in Boulder in your area of study; climb and learn how to climb at the local gym and get better at it first, meet some people, live in Boulder and get experience working a job that can actually build your resume, so when you decide that yes climbing is what you want to do and you truly are in love with it and actually somewhat skilled in it (by the way you don’t even know how to ‘trad’ climb yet and you’re talking about moving to Indian Creek????, have you tried any other kind of climbing??  How do you know you’re not really good at bouldering, or sport climbing, or big wall climbing, or maybe you’re meant to be an alpinist!!), then you move to your favorite spot (after a couple years of traveling and visiting other spots you might find that Moab is the LAST place you want to live) and when you look for a job it might be easier because you’ve had a couple years of experience under your belt and people will be more willing to hire you.  Then you can really live in a place you love, close to climbing, and work a job that you love and will be beneficial to everyone in your life.  But I really cannot get on board with this poorly planned attempt to ‘find yourself’ amidst the dirt bags and barstools of a city you know nothing about except for the fact that you had a good time at Indian Creek once. 

I’m just so sick of this wide eyed enthusiasm for a lifestyle that can potentially lead to a dead end for many people who are ill-prepared to lead it and I want the people who have been lucky enough to make it in this extremely tough industry and lifestyle to stop perpetuating the myth that anyone can do it.  Because not just ‘anyone’ CAN do it.  Instead of asking these young people, who got all moist in their draws after their first 5.6 top rope, good meaningful and probing questions that will really expose their motives behind wanting to live this lifestyle they paint a rosy picture of it all working out: the girl moves to Moab, learns how to rock climb, lands a gig at the local DNR office, meets a boy dirt bag and they both crush happily ever after together raising a herd of blue healers.  And how do you even know this is something you want to dedicate yourself to?  What do you know about it?  What do you really know about climbing and what it means to dedicate yourself to it?  Do you mean you want to climb hard routes?  Because that takes years of training and focus and regimented practice.  It involves a high degree of mental preparation, experience, and knowledge of climbing.  Do you mean you want to just have fun at the crag with your friends?  In that case you don’t need to ‘dedicate’ yourself to climbing, and it doesn’t mean fleeing Boulder to live in your car and wait tables.  My god!!  Give yourself a little time to figure out what climbing is and really means to you and what it can look like in your life.  What about your family?  What about your financial obligations?  What about the obligation you have to take care of yourself?  All I am saying is that you have been climbing for three months, on the timescale of climbing that is literally nothing.  Look, I know we have to get a start somewhere. 

Watching the endless menagerie of cleverly manipulated photo’s posted on Facebook portraying the outdoor lifestyle as an infinite parade of powder orgies, splitter cracks, tasty microbrews, name brands by the fire, and plush Sprinter's is enough to lure anyone into the clutches of this pseudo reality.  We fall in love with tales of eating trash in Yosemite and naked free soloing, base jumping with your dog strapped to your back, or double backflips on a highline.  We WANT to be those people, but we never ask ourselves why?  We drool over the media presented to us in this way and fall in love with the idea that if we too dress a certain way, don’t shower for months, and give a big middle finger to the ‘norm’ that we are somehow finding ourselves amidst all of this self-induced nihilism and chaos made glamorous by photographers and add campaigns that really don’t give a shit about you or the spiritual quest you’ve tricked yourself into taking so you can legitimize your presence in the scene.  If everyone’s a dirt bag then nobody is.  Stop running away from who you truly are in order to impress people you look up to.  Let the people who were truly meant to be cowboys because of their life circumstances be cowboys, stop forcing yourself to fill this role because you are not honoring the people who made this lifestyle infamous and seductive; you’re ruining it with your stupid ear to ear gumbie smile, shiny new gear, and annoying dog. 

But then again, maybe I’m wrong.