My Genes Are Trying to Kill ME
I guess you could say it started when I was fourteen years old. The worst thing you can hear from a doctor at that age is 'Son, you need glasses, can you even see the leaves on that tree??'. Hahaha, good one doc, of course I can see the fucking leaves on the tree! But that didn't stop him from writing a prescription and brainwashing my parents into believing I was as blind as a bat. Thanks a lot you crusty old Italian cardinals for inventing what would soon become the highest object of ridicule in a young boys life. Of course I opted for contact lenses, because I just couldn't have anything compromise my ultimate and expected rise to coolness. It was then that I didn't realize my genes were trying to kill me! What the fuck genes? If I had been a lonely primate out on the African savannah I would have been made into a large cat's dinner a long time ago, all the while thinking I was just surrounded by blurry grass and brown blobs.
The next blow came when I was twenty six. I've always had thin hair, but this was getting ridiculous. I eventually just shaved what was left of my beautiful dirty blonde locks off and now I'm bald. Well thanks a lot genes. How am I supposed to attract a mate now?? Plus that hair was so useful and served many purposes; keeping the sun off my delicate scalp, keeping the bugs off my delicate scalp, and keeping my body heat from escaping. Not to mention keeping me attractive and young looking FOREVER! Not only are my genes trying to kill me they are constantly trying to make me look old and uncool.
And if those two things weren't bad enough my genes like to play cruel tricks on me. A couple of years ago for no reason whatsoever my Achilles snapped in two. Completely out of the blue, just snapped, like a rubber band being stretched to its limit. Could you imagine the sight of me then as a pre-human? Limping around the savannah, talking to trees, trying to mate with rocks, patchy bald spots on my pate, scaring younger primates. Sheesh! I have no idea what could be next...
With the coming of yet another birthday I always wonder what tricks my genes have in store for me. Maybe they'll give me a break this year and take a few days off from tormenting me.
Well, I did have a chance to get out and celebrate/not really celebrate my birthday. It was a short trip out to Index/Goldbar that actually went really well. The highlights were seeing my good friend Jeremiah from Alaska, as well as a whole slew of friends I hadn't seen in a while, Kevin, Jeremy, Boon, James and Katie. It was great! We spent all day Saturday bouldering at G-bar and I crushed for once! Okay, no huge numbers but the great success was putting down problems I got spanked on the last time I was there (oh, about five years ago). Plus, the next day I got up and did a three pitch trad climb with my good friend and loyal climbing compatriot Laura. We did the Great Northern Slab, and I have to say, the second pitch was one of the best I have ever done. So much fun. Didn't have my camera so I decided to draw you some pictures.
The next blow came when I was twenty six. I've always had thin hair, but this was getting ridiculous. I eventually just shaved what was left of my beautiful dirty blonde locks off and now I'm bald. Well thanks a lot genes. How am I supposed to attract a mate now?? Plus that hair was so useful and served many purposes; keeping the sun off my delicate scalp, keeping the bugs off my delicate scalp, and keeping my body heat from escaping. Not to mention keeping me attractive and young looking FOREVER! Not only are my genes trying to kill me they are constantly trying to make me look old and uncool.
And if those two things weren't bad enough my genes like to play cruel tricks on me. A couple of years ago for no reason whatsoever my Achilles snapped in two. Completely out of the blue, just snapped, like a rubber band being stretched to its limit. Could you imagine the sight of me then as a pre-human? Limping around the savannah, talking to trees, trying to mate with rocks, patchy bald spots on my pate, scaring younger primates. Sheesh! I have no idea what could be next...
With the coming of yet another birthday I always wonder what tricks my genes have in store for me. Maybe they'll give me a break this year and take a few days off from tormenting me.
Well, I did have a chance to get out and celebrate/not really celebrate my birthday. It was a short trip out to Index/Goldbar that actually went really well. The highlights were seeing my good friend Jeremiah from Alaska, as well as a whole slew of friends I hadn't seen in a while, Kevin, Jeremy, Boon, James and Katie. It was great! We spent all day Saturday bouldering at G-bar and I crushed for once! Okay, no huge numbers but the great success was putting down problems I got spanked on the last time I was there (oh, about five years ago). Plus, the next day I got up and did a three pitch trad climb with my good friend and loyal climbing compatriot Laura. We did the Great Northern Slab, and I have to say, the second pitch was one of the best I have ever done. So much fun. Didn't have my camera so I decided to draw you some pictures.
Chlea.
Me sleeping in the back of my Subaru. (Where did my beard go??)
Me climbing The Doja (or whatever boulder problem you would like to believe I'm climbing.)
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