A very British Thanksgiving a.k.a. Surrounded by Blokes, Lads, Punters, Tossers, and Knobheads

Campsite, and the Duchess.

I won’t bore you with the harrowing tales of travel that accompanied Dom and I to and from Bishop. Instead, let’s just pretend that none of it happened and we suddenly materialized at the Looney Bean on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Which we did. Our friend George was there to greet us with open arms and an unkempt appearance that screamed Mad Rock factory tour. He led us to the Get Carter boulder where we were drenched with beta and told to send it. NOW! We had our way with Seven Spanish Angels which is essentially one hard move that involves some commitment, but is located on a perfect wall and was an excellent recommendation. It was a great way to start the trip. We waded through clouds of weed smoke, dogs, baby strollers, back packs, and miscellaneous odds and ends before ending up at the Buttermilks main area where Dom proceeded to handle the Cave Route and I proceeded to bitch about my leg which felt as if someone was stabbing me with a hot iron.


Seven Spanish Angels. The best.


Dom sending a V.1 right out of the car.

After a night’s sleep and a good campfire where we met an extraordinarily nice guy from Washington who was currently transplanted in San Fran I awoke to meet the rest of the ‘bad boys from Brittania’. Dave, a tallish fellow with dark red/brown hair and a rather nice video camera was there making a film, while Ben, also a tallish fellow with curly blonde hair was there for adventure? Love? Glory? Food? Maybe the latter. Both were friendly guys who made Dom and I feel welcome and I tried to fit in by not sounding like the stereotypical ignorant American, failing several times to meet their expectations at this point. Oh well. The second day on found us at the outer lying Buttermilk areas where we warmed up on a crimpy V.4 and I managed a V.6 mantle problem that was pretty good. I’m still not sure why I didn’t attempt the V.9 link up? Just another reason to come back. We made the obligatory stop at the Checkerboard boulder. A lot harder than I anticipated and a lot taller. I never tried the problem from the proper start seeing as how it started on a ramp that swept away from the boulder and lead any failed attempt back to the bottom of the ravine. The moves I did try were great but very fingery and I never managed more than 3 attempts. Yet another problem to come back for. The last stop of the day was the Solitaire boulder at the very far reaches of the outer lying area. A sweet walk through a deserted feeling plain lead straight to this beautiful chunk of granite. One of the most inspiring lines I saw this trip, not to mention one of the many extremely photogenic boulder problems located in Bishop. It consisted of two big hard moves to two big crimp rails. Pretty straight forward. I feel like I did a good job of unlocking the problem from the stand start but the first move felt big and I never managed to quite latch it. I’m psyched nonetheless, to, well, you guessed it, come back for this problem. I’ll probably say that about a lot of problems to come.


Dave, give us a scary face please. That's it.


The Checkerboard lounge.


Dave beasting on the Checkerboard.


First move on Solitaire.


Second move on Solitaire.

The skin felt thin that night after a full day of large grained granite grippin’. So the third day we hauled ass to the Happy’s. I was excited because last time we were there I came really close on two V.7’s and I couldn’t wait to get back on them. We started at another one of George’s suggestions the Clapper. George said it was ‘piss easy’ but Dom and I were getting spanked. I like the pinch, the pocket, and all the moves until you had to make a long reach to an unseen hold. The rest of the crew showed up and we all ended up running a train on the problem. The testosterone was running high and that always spikes the pride levels and makes everyone man up just that little bit more that is needed to grab tiny crimps, or latch the next sloper. I watched as everyone plowed through Rene, I’m still not sure how they were able to bone down on such a small crimp? I was clueless and let it go. It was fun to check out Toxic Avenger and realize that this was also a lot harder than it looked on YouTube. Don’t believe the hype!!
We finally landed at the Rave. I was psyched because of my progress on it two years ago, but sadly my enthusiasm went limp as I couldn’t even pull the first move. Fuck it. I walked around the corner and sent Jug Start to Acid Wash Right instead which definitely felt, for lack of a better phrase, ‘piss easy’ this time. It was my first Bishop V.7 nonetheless so I was excited. The rest of the time at the Happy’s was spent watching this young lanky dude crush Acid Wash two times in a row, we all sent Solarium, and then got shut down on Action Figure. The day ended under yet another jewel hung night sky.


Topping out at the Happy's.


Alan on The Clapper(V.6).


Dom at the campfire. Toasty.

Day four we rose to perfect weather and a short drive to the Owen’s River Gorge where our posse was waiting for us at the Dilithium Crystals Wall. To go on with this story it is necessary to introduce a key character, Alan Carne. Nearly 50, 5 foot nothing, and 8 stone(oohhh don’t I sound cultured). Alan proved to be a classy gentleman who is as chatty and friendly as you could possibly be. We met him on the first day and from watching him boulder I could tell he was way more comfortable on the rope. Even though he crushed just as hard as we did on the boulders. The Owen’s River Gorge was vast and far reaching and filled with sweet looking lines, none of which were shorter than seventy feet. I crushed the warm up 5.10c but took a back seat to all the crushing that was going on around me. Dom nearly onsighted a stiff looking 5.12b that climbed out of a roof and ended on a 30ft slab. His efforts were matched by Alan who had just warmed up on a 7a onsight and both got the 7b second go. Owens River Gorge is amazing and only sweetens the deal for returning to Bishop as soon as possible. That night we nearly gouged our eyes out with dull dirty finger nails as we calmly swallowed sadness by witnessing the utter catastrophic invention of Men Who Stare At Goats. I won’t say anymore.


The huge roof sector at the ORG.


Dom on Enterprise(5.12b)


Alan gets famous on Enterprise(5.12b)


Alan on 7b.


Alan on 7b.


Ben gets up an .11c.


Allan goes for a typical Alan move on a .12c at the gorge.


ORG. Allan and George.


Water, trees, rocks. ORG.


The fifth day on found us marching silently up the steep approach trail to the Druids that seemed to never end. I was weighted down by a Mondo crash pad and a gallon of water as well as my back pack. Is someone crying for me somewhere please? To put it simply the Druids are amazing. The setting is nothing short of magically aesthetic and the views span for miles and miles. The boulder problems climb as if they were forged in the depths of climbing heaven, or hell. Sharp and hard, but brilliantly matched by exquisite movement and four star features. I don’t think I got on a problem that was less than three stars in rating. The one problem that stuck with me was Cayla. Ooohhh, I just shiver at the sheer genius of this problem. It will be worth the walk back up next year. Other problems of worthy note were Thunder, Kredulf, and Skye Dance, possibly the best problems I did all trip. The team ascent of Skye Dance will forever go down in bouldering history as nothing short of epic. I only wish I had seen Alan intermediate crimp his way to victory. At the end of the session we had to say farewell to Alan, the man, the legend, the mystery! Oh Alan, Alan C!!!!!!!!


This guys got the right idea.


Alan on Skyedance.


Dave on Skyedance.


Dom on a V.3 at the Druids.


Team group jump, at the Druids.

We met the sixth day head on. The pollen grains it was, with Jedi Mind Tricks in the sights. We also had new blood joining us, Kallum(excuse the misspelling if indeed it is misspelled) was a crusher from Brittania as well but had sacked it from L.A. to join us at the milks(see! I used some slang there, can I join the club now?). Jedi Mind Tricks is stunning. Glowing white hot in the sun I managed to get to the mid point on my first go but fell off. Dom flashed it quite easily and then I finally highstepped to victory. I’m not going to lie though, it was high and hard. You know what I mean. After the warm up we sent a sweet V.7 named Cindy Swank, that dirty whore let us up her face faster than a drunk first cousin at a family reunion. Dom and I both sent and were so pleased that we didn’t climb at all at the last stop in the Pollen Grains, the Secrets of the Beehive boulder. Kallum crushed the problem and topped it out. I’m currently working on piecing together the footage. Look for a link soon.


Dom on Jedi Mind Tricks.


Strong Dom, proud.


Kallum on SBH.


George at the crux.


George on the starting sequence of SBH.


George slaps for the sloping hueco on SBH.


Kallum on the top of the Secrets of the Beeehive boulder.


To end the day we set up camp in front of High Plains Drifter. One word, BRILLIANT! Two words, SO CLOSE!!! Probably one of my most loved problems of the trip, High Plains Drifter is one of those problems that you don’t mind losing skin on even if you’ve done it before. I got all the way to the top and in George’s words, ‘took a look at the jugs at the top and didn’t like what I saw’. As I tagged the jug with two fingers and fell to the pads I kind of new I wasn’t going to get back to that high point, but I’m okay with that. Just trying the problem was a reward in itself. Another team ascent of the Birth Simulator problem took place and we bathed in the glow of the moon. We also bathed in the glow of the television later that night as we decided to spend the last night in a ‘comfortable’ spot.


Surprise, its Dave.


George High Plains Driftin' away into the night.


Dom top outs the birth simulator as our last evening at the Milks sets in.

On our way out, about thirty miles north of Bishop, we stopped at Rock Creek boulders where I proceeded to get spanked on everything and Dom and George cleaned house with a V.3 and V.2. The area is sweet and photogenic, but the problems require guile and underhandedness. We vandalized the duchess, that dirty girl, and were on our way. George, never change. Dave, you’re like a big bear with a camera. Ben, thanks for not breaking everything I own, just most of it. Alan, you are truly the MAN. And Dom, well, what can I say? See you tomorrow?


Dom reaches for the incut on a Rock Creek V.2.


The top out.


Celebration time.

Now that I’m back I can’t wait to go back. Time stops on a trip like that. The hardest decisions you have to make are literally about what you want to eat that night, and where you want to climb that afternoon. Being surrounded by so much beauty is really easy to get used to but extremely hard to let go of. After this trip I have a profound respect for Bishop bouldering, and I hope to make a tradition of going back each year.