Move Towards Your Discomfort

Andrew Hou shaking off the pump on Vanilla Ice (7c+)

It is all too apparent when someone is using a crutch in life to avoid the more painful things we all must eventually face (or maybe not, some people become experts at avoiding there fears and discomforts).  Mine is moving on, moving forward, and owning my mistakes.  It also comes in the form of self-discipline and patience.  Instant gratification is all too easy to give into. 

While the season for me is pretty much over, barring a few trips to Smith before the end of the year, I have started to reflect on the past year.  What worked, what didn’t, what was motivating, where I fell short, where I overcompensated, where I tried too much, where I didn’t rest, where I didn’t rest enough, etc. etc.

I had one goal this year and it was to – ‘climb harder’?  Whatever that means.  On an objective numerical scale that would mean simply to climb a route graded 5.14/8b+.  However, even though that did not happen, I still feel like I accomplished something in my climbing.  It was not the send-fest year I had outlined for myself in the waning Winter months earlier this season.  But I accomplished a goal of mine to climb more consistently and to try routes that scare me.  Okay, the latter not materializing so much but there were extenuating circumstances. 

Andrew smack dab in the middle of the crux on Vanilla Ice (7c+)

Andrew's war with this route came to a close no more than two days ago.  I was super happy to see on IG that he finally put this rig down and his first of the grade to boot.  I was there for many of the break through attempts and then the subsequent close calls at the very top where the heinous reachy and slopey red point crux can really start to get frustrating.  Perfect way to end the season!

When I started the year off I had a good rhythm, I had sent my obligatory Spring kick-off-the-season Smith project and felt strong.  I had just recovered from a pretty nasty shoulder injury, but other than that I felt healthy.  I went after my goal of climbing Pornification with a little hesitancy, which is certainly not how you want to approach these things.  I figured making a repeat of Pornstar would do well to boost my confidence but with every failed repeat attempt my confidence just got shakier and shakier.  Failure loomed through June and feeling the need to diversify I switched my intentions to Equinox, thinking that starting a side project in the form of Baby on Board would help propel the psych train forward at more steady rate.  Introducing more pressure and more failure was a toxic combo.  One day I had such a good go on BOB but fell with my fingers around the last hold – it was the last straw in a straw man that I had been building out of excuses for the last year and half.  I took my anger and set it on fire.

This is a picture of Jasna Hodzic sending Jagged Peaks (8a) at Equinox.  I love the body position she has here and the 

intensity of the stare.  

Ruth worked Skip It Full (7b+) this summer at Equinox and what went from a behemoth sized task to a solid one hang effort in a matter of weeks proved to be one go shy of victory.  She climbed fluidly through the crux and perched on the last foot hold, staring directly at the chains, but in the end couldn't muster the will or power to clip them.  She fell with the clipping crimps in here slowly opening hands, dangling in space and laughing.  It was a victory but technically not a send.  It was one of the most epic near sends I have ever belayed though.

A perfect mother son moment with my two loves throwing a huge rock into our favorite summer dunking spot.  I love the memories we made here over the past summer.  We both came agonizingly, heart-breakingly close to sending our respective projects but Equinox just did not want us to go home happy this year.  Oh well, the joke is on you Equinox!  

**But on a serious note, the access to this amazing crag and area still stands on a very shaky foundation.  The boy scout camp has now erected and solidified a working electrical powered gate.  I have already heard of one account late in September of a group of climbers who on their way down from a day at the crag were locked inside because of this new gate.  What is to become of this crag?  Can we work out a deal to gain what little access we have now on a permanent basis?**

A rather intense gym session lead to the re-emergence of an old injury in my biceps/brachialis/supinator muscles.  Long story short, all progress came to a screeching halt.  A disastrous, surreal, and incredibly life altering trip to Ten Sleep came and went and all of a sudden I was back in the PNW face to face with 6 weeks worth of perfect weather and a project that I didn’t really care about.

A moody day in Seattle over this last summer with a brooding 4 year old and a beautiful lady.

Week after week of perfect weather rolled through and I started up the battle once again – whether or not my fight would be in vein was not something I asked myself at the time.  Turned out not caring about the outcome led to some incredible progress and after a few weeks of attempts I had a new high point, and was able to do the route in two overlapping sections, something I had never achieved before.  I went after the trophy with fervor.  The send day was close; one attempt I felt more dialed, more powerful, more focused than I had ever felt EVER.  I had this intense fire burning inside of me while I climbed.  The movement felt effortless, I flew up the route breathing and moving and stopping at each rest with intent for the next sequence, taking deep breathes through my nose and feeling the intensity of the moment in a tranquil kind of meditative fixation.  I climbed into the last sequence and felt enlivened – ‘This is it!’ – but a foot pop stopped me cold.  I knew it could be done, however, but I never got back to that state of mind.  Rain moved in and stopped progress for 10 days.  The next time I got on it I had lost all of my steam, the will and motivation to get psyched had left me.  With a few days left of good weather and the desire to travel to other crags growing inside of me I left it alone. 

Billis on Psychosomatic (7c) - it seemed like we all had mega projects this year and Billis was no different.  Here she is on one of her last attempts of the season, she had this thing on one hang status quickly, which was really impressive to see, but the theme of the year swallowed her whole as well and it looks like Billis will have to wait for 2019 like the rest of us.  I have a feeling that 2019 will be the year of redemption!

It was incredibly difficult to go through this, to lose the fight inside of me.  To live in that moment where outcomes didn’t matter and climbing was just that, climbing.  To then sink back into that pressure-filled state of mind of anxiety and tempered success.  To want the send NOW and to not be able to separate my desire from my passion.  But it had to happen.  It will continue to happen until I learn whatever lesson it is trying to teach me.  I have a feeling that it has something to do with patience.

The fire was ignited again.  On my last session at Little si – just over a week ago – I finally tried Dr. Evil.  I had molested the holds on TR some time ago, and briefly tried the top crux toying with the idea of trying Erich’s new Chronic-into-Dr.Evil link; so the expectations were not high.  I had just witnessed my friend Kevin basically send the route (although he had decided to bypass the original line opting instead to try the longer and harder variation called Extended Evil, ultimately one hanging it!!) so I was stoked but not expecting much.  To my surprise I was able to do all of the cruxes with the exception of the outro crux which I never ended up trying.  But for my first time on the rig I was blown away with not only being able to do all the moves (mostly)  but also with how well it climbed.  For years I stayed away from this thing because of how heinously crimpy and just plain hard it looked but after getting on it last week I feel pretty confident that it could actually go(??)!  This little session on a climb I had never tried before and the small success that followed was enough to crank the stoke level through the roof, and just like the fight continues.

Here is Kevin on Dr. Evil / Extended Evil (8b+/8c) - midway through the summer Kevin switched from working on Pornstar and Lost Horizons to working on Dr. Evil.  I would show up occasionally and see him playing on the crux moves, grabbing draws and making small links.  And then all of a sudden a couple weeks ago I saw him transform into some kind of finger strength phoenix!  He glided through the bottom crux locking off heinous crimp after heinous crimp effortlessly.  He rested casually in the overlap and then busted out another crux, all of a sudden he was locked in battle with the last crux, he groaned, he growled, he locked off harder than I have ever seen him lock off and he was through it!!  Holy shit!!  Next stop was a knee bar rest and then send town!  But getting there was another matter.  He had just climbed four back to back V.6/7 cruxes and was a little pumped at this point.  Falling into the abyss was no failure, he not only garnered the high point but also the one hang on what will definitely become his first 5.14.  Only time separates him from certain victory.  

Ruth and I are heading out to World Wall one more time tomorrow even though most of the wall will be soaked.  I know Dr. Evil will be dry so I’m going to try and do the entire route and memorise beta for next year while Ruth is psyched to make some links on her mega project Californicator.  It will be a good no pressure day of trying hard and looking forward to the Spring.  As for the short term, we already have plans to go to Smith next weekend and then we are spending our usual Thanksgiving holiday there as well.  Always a good way to end the year.