A Trail Called 'You'

My legs are almost as sore as when I did Mt. Rainier.  Granted, I have been doing hardly any cardio lately and my running is pretty much non-existent but I talked myself into running the Mt. Si trail this past weekend on the grounds that I had been snowboarding every weekend for the past five weekends and in my mind running and snowboarding, they’re like, the same right? 

I woke up Saturday morning, for once NOT at 5:00am to go ride the mountain, looked at my cell phone which glared back at me the numbers 6:25, and I promptly rolled over and enjoyed another two hours of blissful sleep before I decided I needed to wake up for reals.  Okay, I wasn’t going to play in the snow today, so instead I needed to fill that gaping white void with something.  Hmmmm, what could I do? Well, I just got paid, so, I guess I’ll spend lots of money today!  Hooray!  And let me reiterate the fact that ‘lots of’ money means different things to different people.  My agenda for the day was centered on the burning hot REI gift cards in my pocket and I was intent on letting them burn through my pocket in the actual store instead of my bedroom.  So I was off to buy, uh, well, stuff?  I wasn’t really in need of anything crucial, so its times like these when you have to dig deep and manufacture new hobbies in order to buy more stuff in order to pursue said self-created hobbies. 

I did have a legit need for some new gym shoes so I stopped in the mediocre climbing section REI offers up like some homage to the ghost of Caldwellian after thought.  Of course, the giant black and white cut out of Kevin and Tommy on a porta-ledge during their siege of the Dawn Wall they used to sport at the front of the climbing section has long since been retired now that the voracious and exponentially decreasing attention span of the sheepish and virtual horde of pseudo climbers has obviously thinned.  But their sporadic bursts of enthusiasm around climbing notwithstanding the flagship REI store might possibly have the WORST selection of climbing gear of any climbing store I’ve ever been to.  Why is this??  It’s the fucking FLAGSHIP REI store for Christ’s sake!!  I checked out a pair of on sale Shaman’s but they didn’t have my size and that was pretty much it, it was all downhill from there.  I tried on a pair of Evolv ‘Luchadores’ next and they were quite possibly the worst thing I’ve ever put my foot in (save a pair of hand me down AT ski boots).  I checked out the backpacking/camping stove selection and of course they only had one XGK-EK in the entire building!  Fuck me.  I went upstairs and they didn’t even have the latest Brooks Pure Grit trail runners.  Flagship my ass!  Who does the ordering for these people??  You don’t even want to know what I spent all $90 of my gift cards on (it was overly priced Friction Labs chalk, energy gels, and a beanie).  Sheesh, but at least I finally picked up a pair of sweet stretchy tights for running in and also for creeping out nearby heterosexual women.  Oh yeah, LOOK AT THE BULGE!!

I left the REI store, disgusted and turned off from wanting to purchase anything outdoor related and headed over to the Brooks store on Stoneway.  After buying a pair of brand spanking new Pure Grit 4’s, I was out!  I got so psyched to run the Mt. Si trail I could barely keep myself from singing out loud every single word to the Bamboos ‘Keep me in Mind’ on the car ride out to the trail head.  The weather wasn’t even that bad and despite the ominous clouds and drizzle there were little hints of sunshine here and there.  I started my run and literally .2 miles into it I felt as if I was going to die.  Is that blood filling up my lungs?  Better keep moving.  I was through entertaining the consumer-driven fantasy of stampeding up this beast and decided to take my run to a jog to a power hike instead.  I put the hammer down as well as my head and stormed up the trail.  Even in slightly shitty weather, with half the trail in snow pack and ice, there were like 100 people on this fucking thing.  I passed group after group as well as a lot of people coming back down.  I did the first half relatively quickly and felt in good shape but there did come a time when I thought  to myself “If I see another switchback I’m going to throw a fit right in the middle of this god forsaken trail, stretchy pants and ALL!!”.  But luckily I kept my cool and was rewarded with frozen fingers, ethereal sun beams set on fire by the mist and steam rising from the forest floor and cutting through the canopy, views of I-90 swerving and meandering eastward up to the pass, North Bend spread out like some agricultural spider web, and the summit of Mt. Si.  A place I have always viewed from the comfort of my shady ledge at World Wall. 

I sauntered up to the top of a rocky outcrop and looked out over the windy display of moving clouds, pica-boo sightings of distant ridges and valleys, and felt the warmth of the sun on my face for a fleeting moment.  My hands curled into numb motionless balls and it was all I could do to tear off the top of a gel, stick my camel back spigot in my mouth and gulp down water and sugar.  I pulled my hood over the top of my head and started back down the trail.  Although I was intimidated by the snow pack and grade of the trail I gave in to gravity and ran the entire way back to the bottom.  Downhill trail running is easily one of my favorite activities and as soon as I start I’m instantly transported back to being a spry 12 year old kid bouncing off the half pipe grooves of the sandy brown Southern Utah trails that snake their way through the myriad of sun scorched canyons. 

I got to my car just as it really started to rain, and I felt my muscles tighten up due to being dehydrated and hypoglycemic.  I felt good though.  I had gotten all of my new purchases thoroughly muddy and broken in and it felt validating to see the mud streaked pants, the soaking wet shoes, and the sweat drenched hat I had just bought that day in the back of my car crumpled up and awaiting the laundry.

And this is how I know.  Yes, I’m a climber.  I’m also more than JUST a climber (obviously).  I love being outside.  But more than that, I love testing myself while being outside.  I feel as if every time I engage in activities like trail running, snowboarding, climbing I am interacting with my environment in a holistically deeper fashion than being a mere spectator.  Pushing myself to do things I have or have not spent months training for, in an environment that is at times inhospitable and characteristically uncontrolled; pressing myself to keep going for another mile, regulating my mental outrage at a trail that never ends, facing insecurities and hang ups and realizing they aren’t that important, they don’t define me and accepting them as a beautiful imperfect part of myself.  Standing on a summit and being able to hone in even for a second on that moment, to be present, to be thankful for where I am, not how much time I’ve wasted, or how much time I have left.  It is also a fantastic gift to be able to utilize my body in a way that not only brings me pain but joy, and leaves me genuinely exhausted at the end of the day.  Is there anything better than lying in bed at night and knowing you are going to sleep like a falling brick because you pushed yourself to and maybe even past a physical limit you thought you had? 

I regret not bringing my camera up on my run because I did miss quite a few beautiful shots; like the sun breaching the trees and illuminating the mist near the top of the mountain, the expanse of sun and clouds contrasting the beauty of the I-90 corridor, and even some misguided rube plodding up the trail WITHOUT shoes??!!  All I could do as I ran past him was look down and say ‘That looks miserable’.  Whether he heard me or not, or whether he cared what I thought, is another thing entirely.