Thye Hidden Secrets of the East, That Aren't Quite That Secret

Do you like rattlesnakes, mice, mating yellow jackets, three different kinds of steppe, dry climates, basalt pillars, chunky arêtes, juggy face climbs, powerful sport climbs, moderate trad climbing, no bathrooms, and the worlds greatest boulder problem? Then you’ll love Frenchman Coulee, a nice sport/trad climbing area just east of the tiny town of Vantage. Don’t let my stark sarcasm fool you, my recent trip to one of the many climbing areas Washington state has to offer was certainly not a bad one. After bouldering for damn near a solid month and a half; which may or may not sound long to you depending on the type of climber you consider yourself to be, and with the start of school right around the corner my good friends Dom and Laura as well as myself(duh) headed off to this wondrous place in the east. I had never been to Frenchman Coulee before, but Dom and Laura both had been twice so I considered myself lucky to have such knowledgeable people along to guide my innocent, yet callused finger tips up and over the brown, white, black and sometimes orange jugs, crimpers, slots and slopers Frenchman Coulee had to offer. We arrived around late afternoon on a Wednesday to the free camping. It was spread out and even though it was quite open had a somewhat secluded feel to it. We started the half faded day out at an area called the Sunshine Wall.


Laura half way up on Easy Off(5.10c)


Dom and Laura just hangin' out.

A perfectly laid out set of skinny rectangular shaped basalt pillars lined the trail and their three dimensional shapes provided great corners, faces, and arêtes with many features, or none at all. I was lead to a route called Easy Off, a stellar looking line that made its way up an arête with positive holds for a good 70 feet. It was an extremely consistent climb, jug, jug, crimp, jug, jug, crimp. I really liked the nature of the climb and the fact that it was long and well bolted made it very enjoyable. So far a good way to start the trip. We walked along the trail for some time checking out the rest of the area climbing one more route until we decided to check out a crag just below the trail that had a very different type and style of climb.


The Indiana Jones style approach to the Sunshine Wall.


One of the first routes reached at the Sunshine Wall and definitely one of the most popular.
An unknown climber on Ride Em' Cowboy(5.9)

The Jigsaw Wall looked like a bunch of oddly shaped blocks had been glued together and thrown up against the hillside, steep on some parts but always mellowing out near the top. I liked the look of the climbs and went for the first route that the guide said was the best on the wall, a route called Effortless. The whole wall was relatively shorter than the upper Sunshine Wall area but this little climb definitely packed it in. An easy start that got pretty difficult around the middle and then tapered off towards the chains. I tried to make my onsight attempt look stylish but I think it was more entertaining than anything else as I drop kneed, barn doored, and slapped for holds that were better than what I was making them look like. I clipped the chains and came down with such an awful pump that I thought I would be done for the rest of the trip.


Dom flashing Effortless(5.11c)



Another picture of Dom on Effortless as the sun sets.


Dom floated up it making it look like it was 5.9 and not 5.11c and then we tried the route right next to it that had a hard boulder problem start. Well after all that bouldering you would think I would have this in the bag, but I fell a couple of times and sat back and watched as Dom mastered this route gracefully as well. We ran around and checked out more routes and then headed back to camp as the sun disappeared over the barren horizon. We had a pretty good fire that night and a good sleep where I dreamed I was playing golf with Happy Gilmore.(?????????)


The steppe of Frenchman Coulee

The next day we, or should I say I, had my sights on some harder routes. I was dead set on sending a .12a and the guide book described an area called the Powerhouse as having a stellar .12a called King of the Ruins. It was on. We headed across an open plain where Laura almost stepped on a rattlesnake and I screamed like a girl. After that my nerves were a little rattled(get it?), and I never truly recovered, I even freaked out as I sat down to tie my shoes and someone’s water bottle touched my back. I lurched forward fearing the worst only to come face to face with a deadly Crystal Geyser!! We all warmed up on a great 5.9 called Power Puff and then I got shut down on a 5.11 arete that Dom dominated, nice one Dom that looked tough! I finally decided to just go for it and geared up for the onsight of King of the Ruins. I have to say I was pretty impressed with this wall, it was similar to the Jigsaw wall but steeper and had streaks of black, white, grey, brown and orange running up it. King of the Ruins climbs up an easy face to a powerful yet small roof, and then a crimpy headwall to an easy finish. I made it past the roof but got it good on the head wall when I pumped out looking for a jug. I clipped the rest of the bolts and came down excited to try and get it my second go. I gave the play by play to Dom as he calmly climbed through the roof and crimped up the head wall with a nice flash.


Laura on Power Puff(5.9)


Me on King of the Ruins(5.12a)


Dom burls through the roof as he flashes King of the Ruins.


Another picture of Dom on KOTR.

I tried to de-pump and felt good on my next attempt, making it farther than my last go but just fell off right before the good jug and the road to victory. I tried it once again but was not really in the mood and called it quits pulling my draws off in dismay. We ended our time at the Powerhouse on a sweet .10d that I forget the name of but involved some sort of future move which none of us did. Feeling a bit wiped we headed for camp and lunch.



That evening we walked the short distance to the Feathers area and did some really nice 5.8-5.10 routes that were excellent and of the utmost quality in my opinion. We were accompanied by a group of local(?) climbers who talked loudly of their conquests, sexual or drug related, as they drank beer from a large cooler and soloed up chossy bits of rock trying to show off for their over dressed girl friends who sat cross legged and looked nothing less than bored. If anything, the best routes I did here had to be a sweet slightly overhung 5.9 face climb called Satan’s Wagon(?), and a sick arête/face climb that went at 5.10b but I forget the name. These routes are just as classic as anything I’ve done anywhere and should not be missed if you are going to this area.


Laura on a sweet 5.8 at the Feathers.


Me making the clip on another great route at the Feathers.


Dom ends the day on a 5.9 arete.

That night we had a roaring fire that lasted longer than we did and met a climber from Renton named Dave. He was out here by himself after getting rained out at Index and was projecting a super steep super long boulder problem with an X-rated top out over death scree. He said it was the best boulder problem in the state(??!!!!!??!!!) I can’t be sure if he was just drunk or trying to convince us to come down there with him the next day to spot but whatever it was it worked. The next day I found myself lugging my triple crash pad, which I had only brought in order to sleep on, across the sketchiest trail I have been on. A steep, loose, scree patch that eventually dumped us off on a sandy open plain dotted with sage brush and clumps of tall yellow grass. After a bit of walking we ended up at the mouth of a steep semi-cave and Dave set about showing us the beta. Nice movement and footwork led to an okay rest on a sloper at the midway point before sending you into a series of knee bars and pointy underclings to the so-called ‘lip’ which then led to a chossy looking top out that could have easily topped 30 or 40 feet. Dom flashed the problem to it’s midway point, I flailed helplessly on every move, and Dave almost linked it. Now I’m not known for my ‘hating’ attitude and there was a lot to hate about this morning so far, but in all honesty the boulder problem itself was actually really good, and if the top out was feasible it probably would be ‘one of’ the best boulder problems in the state…maybe. However I would have rather spent my morning on the rope and after making it back to camp we all just decided to go home, exhausted, dirty, and(speaking for myself) a bit defeated and greatly humbled.



So, to wrap up the trip, my first experience at Vantage or Frenchman Coulee, whatever you prefer to call the area, was great and I will definitely be back soon. I have a better understanding of the mentality required for most of the areas, approaches, camping, and so on and so forth. I’m psyched to have visited another great area in the state; now I’m gonna’ go work on my endurance, recovery, stamina, fear of poisonous creatures, and ability to take dumps while pressed up against a sandy boulder.